Friday, January 19, 2007

The (Im)Perfect Crime

...The explosion of sound was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Under the thousand megawatt tungsten glare, his legs trembled a little. Suresh Krishna blinked under the surreal influence of a million cheering fans, and a huge stage that belonged only to him. A gregarious male voice broke across the uproar sending urgent whispers for silence across the mad throng. "Ladies and Gentlemen, We present you the quintesential Suresh. Lets give him a huge round of applause" The collective scraping of a million chairs as men, women, children, teenagers, the elderly all rose up to applaud this new phenomenon. A huge shreik rose from the front rows startling suresh. The shock was unfounded. It was just the hundreds of girls rooting for him. They were springing up and down clapping and screaming. 'We love you!' they screamed. For the first time in the last 90 seconds of his on stage existance, suresh's legs stopped vibrating. He was already getting used to the adulation and was even starting to enjoy it.

Thats when it happened. Like all bad things, it came out of nowhere, just when you thought things couldn't be any better and everyone were feeling extremely complacent.

It was a huge explosion. A nuke probably, or a neutron bomb. Images flashed out like they'd been sucked into a black hole. A new noise filled the atmoshphere. It was a voice. Something very familiar about that one. He knew that voice. The angel of death probably. Everything around was dark and so suresh assumed that he was in that transition stage between life and death. It didnt hurt. Didnt feel weird. By now the voice was extremely loud and clear, "Suresh, Get up...Its very late"

*********************************

Suresh opened his eyes and groaned. The bright May-sun-light beamed into his room from the window directly before him bathing him in a thermal tide that sent his sweat glands into an early morning jog. The room around him was a mess. He wasnt a very neat guy to begin with. But that morning, the room was extra messy because of what happened last night. His cousins had come over, Raghav, Vinay, Sushmita and Divya and they had had a blast. Suresh rose from the bed and winced. A sharp stab of pain shot across his back and his right arm - the after effects of the night before. He should have realised that he had gone too far with the dancing when his legs kept giving away beneath him. All of them had been drunk. And that was when it hit suresh. Holy crap!

His mom walked into the room, carrying the flowers from the garden into the pooja room whose door, ironically lay inside his room. His heart was beating like a wild drum. The bottles, the mess! His parents must have seen everything when they came home in the morning after their trip. He was so screwed. He rose from the bed and his feet hit his guitar, which he carefully placed back in its place by his bedside. It was so futile moving one singular object when the room looked like a tornado had blown through it. How drunk were they? In an insane moment of guilt he vowed never to drink again but quickly realised that it was a stupid vow and took a new one to drink with moderation where moderation itself would be a dynamic variable capable of taking varying values. He waded through the chaos that was his room into the main hall. It looked spic and span. Even the large bronze statue in the corner was upright.

Suresh knew what had happened. His parents had walked in this morning, seen the house in the state it had been in, immediately knew what had transpired and had cleaned it. His pride, or wharever that had been left of it was now totally obliterated. Dreading the moment, he walked out into the front porch where his dad sat on his bamboo chair sipping cofee and reading the morning news paper.

"So, what did you guys do over the weekend", he asked seeing him come out.

As if he did not know. "Well, we were just hanging out...watching tv..did nothing special", why should he commit himself in any case.

"Since, its the holidays for you, why dont you clean up your room a bit. It looks like a pig sty"

For the first time, Suresh agreed that it wasnt an exaggeration.

"Yeah, i will do that today", he replied suddenly sensing that perhaps things had somehow gone right. But who was the mystery cleaner.

"Good morning", he heard a chorus behind him. Raghav and Divya walked out into the porch looking quite fresh unlike him. Some people just didnt have hang overs. But these two looked like they had been up for quite sometime. Slowly they slipped away from the porch and into the garden out of ear shot of Suresh's dad.

"We have a problem", divya looked worried.

"Did you guys clean up the house", suresh asked

"Yes we did. But its not complete."

"what do you mean?"

"Its the washing machine da. All the beer bottles are inside the washing machine"

Sometimes when people say really ridiculous things in such a matter of fact way you find it hilarious. And so suresh laughed till his eyes were filled with tears of joy.

"What the fuck are you guys saying", he asked, his laughter quickly transforming into deep worry lines on his face.

"Yeah man. We woke up at around 7 and realised that your parents would be coming and started cleaning. We had cleaned the house and had collected all the bottles in the storage room for disposal when we heard them in the drive way. So we quickly stashed it inside the washing machine and came out to welcome them."

"A washing machine. Of all places. You guys are nuts", suresh said.

"Hey!", divya was pissed, "You werent even helping. You were singing 'Something about my way' in your fucking sleep."

"Yeah...sorry"

The little conspiratory group stood in the garden and drew up the tactical plan.

"Ok", suresh took lead, " We will move those bottles out of the washing machine, one by one, so that no one gets suspicious"

"Ok. Lets wake up sushmita and vinay also. Five of us. 16 bottles. Lets see how quickly we can do this."

So they went and woke up the other two and explained the strategy. They met up near the washing machine.

"What are you doing here", Suresh's mother walked in with a bunch of dirty clothes, "Have all of you brushed? I will get you people some cofee. She walked over to the washing machine and it was pretty obvious that she would now open the door to throw the clothes in.

"Mom!", stopped suresh, "No. I mean - My dirty clothes are inside and i want to wash them first"

His mom stopped. There was a collective sigh of relief from four lungs.

"Ok. Finish it off quickly", saying she turned up the water level and switched on the washing machine and left the room. The four could hear the trickle of water filling up inside the machine. Suresh switched it off.

"Here, detergent", they spun like crazy chickens as suresh's mom handed over the detergent. She left. Phew!

"Ok. We dont have much time. So instead of taking it one at a time lets do it together. We need some thing to carry all these bottles.", suresh looked around the room for a suitable baggage for 16 empty beer bottles.

"What about this?", sushmita brought a small jute bag lying in a corner.

"No. Too suspicious.", suresh thought quickly and rushed into his room and picked up his backpack and rushed back.

"Oh...cool...", vinay said and opened the washing machine while suresh held the back pack.

One down. Two down. Three down. Wet beer bottles clinked inside his bag. It was ruined. Sound of feet. Vinay shut the washing machine with a bang while suresh desperately looked for a place to hide his back pack.

"What are all of you doing here", Suresh's dad peeped in, his spectacles dangling from his ear and his hands holding the paper he had been reading.

"Just talking", Divya replied nonchalantly. They stood there quite obviously not talking. Suresh's dad frowned and then nodded his head in a way that had come to represent, "I know you are upto no good" but he continued on.

They quickly loaded up the rest of the bottles into the back pack. It was pretty bulky and heavy now. Now all they needed to do was to carry this heavy bundle to suresh's room where it would be safe for the moment. Suresh tip toed to the end of the room and peeped out. The hall was empty and he could hear his mom in the kitchen. So he ran.

The trip from the storage room to his room involved a run of about 6 meters through the open hallway and suresh made 4 of them before he slipped and crashed to the floor. It was a moment frozen in time when the backpack crashed into the floor sending a huge explosion of noise through the house and suresh lay sprawled near it.

"What happened!", suresh's mom ran into the hall from the kitchen. If not for sushmita's quick reflex the day woudnt have been saved. She immediately kicked the pulverised backpack containing millions of shards of broken bear bottles across the hall neatly into Suresh's room. It was a slo mo moment as suresh watched the bundle skid across him on the smooth marble floor, his mother rushing into the hall way, the other two cousins staring trasfixed at the bundle as it cheekily entered suresh's room just as his mom rushed into the hall way. Safe for the moment!

After 10 minutes of fussing over suresh's fall they finally were allowed the privacy. They rushed into the room and pushed the back pack beneath the bed.

Thank god! That was close!

They sat in a moment of victorious silence to catch their breath. As the sound of their breathing died down another sound rose. They all heard it.

"Some thing about my way....I aint gonna hold sway....if u catch me...", the song filtered in from the living room upstairs.

Suresh smiled. He loved that song. It was his favo- hang on. Abruptly the smile faded. Something was wrong. He looked around for confirmation and he got it. Confusion and shock on his cousins' faces. The sound filtering in was way too familiar for suresh. In fact, it was the sound he had been hearing over the past 21 years, i.e. ever since he had learned to speak. It was the quintessential suresh himself singing his favourite song. This in itself shouldnt have been a bad thing but something was wrong. Like bullets out of a gun, the five of them rushed upstairs into the bed room from which the sound was coming.

They stood at the door transfixed by what they were seeing. The image on the t.v. was grosteque. It was suresh with beer all over his shirt, a beer bottle in his left hand and a guitar slung over his shoulder, standing over the dining table singing his favourite song all out of tune. His other 3 cousins - except the one who was filming it - were dancing with beer bottles int their hands around it.


The explosion of sound was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Under the thousand of megawatt tungsten glare, but more from the 3 bottles of beer, his legs trembled a little. Suresh Krishna blinked under the surreal influence of what looked like a million cheering fan- his cousins, and a huge stage that belonged only to him. A gregarious male voice broke across the uproar sending urgent whispers for silence across the mad throng. "Ladies and Gentlemen, We present you the quintesential Suresh. Lets give him a huge round of applause",screamed vinay. The collective scraping of a million chairs as men, women, children, teenagers, the elderly all rose up to applaud this new phenomenon. A huge shreik rose from the front rows startling suresh. The shock was unfounded. It was just the hundreds of girls rooting for him. They were springing up and down clapping and screaming. 'We love you!' they screamed. For the first time in the last 90 seconds of his on stage existance, suresh's legs stopped vibrating. He was already getting used to the adulation and was even starting to enjoy it. Thats when it happened.

They stood there at the doorway staring at the video in shock. Suresh looked angriliy at Divya, the video freak but it wasnt her fault. All of them were drunk.

His father turned toward them slowly. His face was a mixture of shock and distaste.


Finally he spoke, "The video cam was connected to the television, and i wanted to see the video we took last month at darjeeling", he said, "Can you change this?"



Monday, January 15, 2007

Nerdentity

Somethings you just cant deny. However much i try to run away from it, the geek in me always catches up. In an attempt to pigeon hole myself deeper into the techie slot here come my new blog
http://binarydreams.wordpress.com.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Gary's tale...

It all started when i met Gary while i was waiting at the bus stop. I was heading for the railway station to receive my sister who was coming home from a trip abroad. Gary was my school friend and not having seen him for quite some time i was pretty happy to meet him there. He was an anglo indian and talked his english with a weird accent.

"Hey!", i shouted

He looked equally happy.

"Hi da. Long time no see", his face broke into a weak smile as if he was forcing it.

"yeah...been kind of busy. Too much work at college", i obviously had to lie

"Hmm...so where are you headed?"

"Railway station. My sister is coming from bombay..well..actually from the US"

"Oh..so how have you been", he didnt seem to be in a hurry and no bus was in sight.

"Well, pretty great actually. you know there - "

He sighed. I stopped and looked at him. He looked forlorn.

"Whats the matter?"

He looked at me and shook his head.

"The last two months have been very bad for me"

"Why what happened?"

"Well, its my..", he stopped himself. He couldnt bring himself to say it,"..err..its Stephanie..she was dying and so i sold her off"

I looked at him shock. Stephanie was his dog - a beautiful black doberman. The
last time i saw her she looked pretty healthy.

"You sold her", i sputtered.

"Yeah. the guy who bought her had no clue that something was wrong with her..you know..she looks pretty good"

I cannot blame the guy. Even i did not know something was wrong. she had been active, healthy and well fed. Well, one never knows.

"What was wrong with her?"

"She just got old. thats all. You know its a wonder she managed to run this long...i maintained her well...but lately she hasnt been that responsive", he said proudly.

"yeah that happens with age", i said sagely, "but poor girl...i liked her a lot"

"Yeah me too", he said with nostalgia, "How many hours of pure pleasure"

I stopped and looked at him. I knew these guys were weird and so let the statement be. Still, pleasure? What the hell did he do with his dog anyway? I didnt ask him that directly and so veiled my question.

"Guess you guys were pretty close. You played around a lot with her", i said.

"Yes. I had got carried away at times and banged her around. And last week...", his eyes misted up but he quickly recovered and smiled.

My eyes fell out of the socket and my face bore a disgusting look. Now i was looking for the bus. I didnt want to be around this sick kid.

"Its ok", i said trying to change the subject, "so hows everyone at home"

He looked at me with sadness again.

Again tears sprang in them."My b..", he stopped as if he didnt want to say that and then smiled a little as he said, "You have met Roger right?"

I nodded thankful that the conversation was moving away from some sick man and dog coupling.

"yeah, a couple of times", i said. Roger was his younger brother. Roger was in class 10. I always had the feeling that he was slightly retarted bacause of the way he used to act around me. He just didnt behave like a tenth standard kid.

"He was becoming a huge pain...you know...acting restless and whiny"

I knew it! I had a knack for people. I smelled a rat with that guy long before their family themselves had any clue.

"So", gary continued, "We took him to the doctor. And he said..", he was giving a sly grin,"...said..roger needs some action...you know what i mean"

My mouth was agape. "But but..",words just wouldnt come out

"I know", gary nodded sagely, "its so unreal...and u know my dad was there when the doctor said that..and... it was so uncomfortable"

I would bet my ass it was uncomfortable. What kind of sick doctor advised sex for a restless 10th standard kid?

"and now i have to look around for some bitch who would do it", he continued.

I just stared. By now my head was swimming. I saw a bus approaching from far away and heaved a sigh of relief. Gary saw it too.

"Good. the bus is coming", he said

I remained silent praying that he wasnt headed in the same direction as me. But it was one of those days and as it happened gary was sitting next to me on the bus.

"It really has been a hard month for you", i mused wondering if he was just making this all up just to freak me out as the bus rolled away.

"And you havent even heard the worst man", he said and his eyes welled up with tears.

I suddenly became sympathetic. "What happened?"

Its about Ralph. I was pissed. So much of tears for that!? For a rickety old car. This guy was unbearable. "what about Ralph?", i asked unable to hide the sarcasm in my voice.

"He met with an accident", he sobbed.

"Oh my god!", i was genuinely shocked, "What happened? Who was driving?"

All of us were there but no one else was hurt.

No one else? Except Ralph of course. The stupid car.

"What happened to the car?", i asked

gary stopped sobbing and looked at me with venom.

"The car!? is that what matters to you?", his voice sounded ominously hostile

I was beyond care now. This had gone way past the line and i was going to give a piece of my mind,

"Frankly, i dont give a shit about your stupid car or for that matter about your sex starved kid brother nor the old dying dog you sold. You know why? Coz your family is just a freakshow. You guys should put a tent and run a little circus with your stunts. These are not even real problems and you are sobbing about it? you know what people around you are facing? Do you even have any idea? Do you know how many people are dying of hunger everyday and you are crying about ramming your stupid car somewhere in which no one was even hurt. Do you know how many children are being orphaned every minute and you are worried about finding some 'bitch' whom your brother can bang! I am so disgusted with you gary!", that was perhaps the longest speech i had ever given.

Gary stared at me in shock and then walked over to another empty seat and sat there. I felt free at last. He deserved it. All these people living in their own small world, thinking that they had all the problems. And more importantly i was disgusted to be his friend anymore.

We never talked after that. I would see him a few times in some places but we would just give each other the cold stare or turn our heads away. Then i stopped seeing him around at all. Someone later told me that they had shifted out of town. I didnt hear about him for several years after that when we friends decided to get together after a long time. Gary was not there - not that i cared, though. After a couple of rounds of beer some one thought about Gary.

"The poor guy", vignesh mused
I sat there still feeling the hatred i felt several years before on that bus ride.
"What now? Is he humping gorillas?", i asked with a chuckle.
Everyone stopped and stared at me.
"What?", Kartik asked
"You guys dunno? He used to hump his dog man. He is one sick son of a bitch!", i was drunk and i hated him.
"What da hell are you talking about! He is one of the most pious christians i've ever see", mused Kartik
I looked at him patronisingly. He obviously didnt know Gary's true colours.
"Its a shame that such a big tragedy befell their family", Arun said
"What tragedy?", i was getting sober by the moment.
"You dont know?!! Ralph's death?"

Some thing akin to a bolt of lightning passed through me

"What? Ralph?", i tried jogging my memory to action, "his car?"

"No you idiot", it was vignesh, "Ralph was his brother. He was in the ICU for an year and then died. They shifted after that."

"No!", i just couldnt accept this. They were wrong,"You losers! Roger was his brother"

"Roger was his dog u ass", kartik shouted

"Wasnt his dog Stephanie?", i was sounding milder by the moment

"No that was what that guy named his stupid car"
, kartik laughed...

I wasnt laughing.

I remembered the day clearly. Me screaming at Gary. He walking away and then getting down a couple of stops before the railway station. I remembered looking out of the window and staring at the huge white building on the other side of the road which read "Apollo hospitals". Then the bus had moved on. I never did see Gary walk into the building to visit his brother who was in a coma.

Tears welled up in my eyes.




Thursday, November 09, 2006

'Bunker' reminiscences - 1

I have always been a 'bunker'. My mom tells me stories about how as a kid (i am talking about the KGs here), i used to run back home for lunch and have a peaceful siesta for the rest of the afternoon while the school carried on.

Over time, all addictions get worse. Michael jackson wouldnt stop fondling little boys, the bush family wouldnt stop obsessing with iraq, the indian politicians couldnt stop being corrupt and i continued bunking. However with age comes more challenges. School provided quite a few of them. If there was one thing my school management did, it was to cook up elaborate disincentives to bunking classes like flogging and electric treatment. Kidding! But to put it in any investor's words "It was a highly skewed risk-return structure". Thankfully, when it comes to bunking classes i am a risk lover. I had to bunk. It was an addiction. I made it through school with sufficient number of bunks (not at will though) to keep me going. Of course, my as-of-yet-unmeasured-but-exceptionally-high IQ helped me cook up a plethora of valid excuses like an unbelievable headache that showed all indications of a potentially life killing virus, an exam the day after which i was sure to fail and my career doomed for ever if did not have a day off or a heavy downpour which i was sure was an acid rain (after i learnt it in social science class) that could potentially kill me. And it didnt help my ego one bit as i rattled off excuses to convince my gullible mom into letting me stay at home and then conjuring much more valid excuses for my school principal. On hindsight, its apparent that although she saw through my excuses she just let me have my fun.

And then there were those special days - sports days, school days, independence days. If there is one thing i am the most thankful to god, it was my small, thin frame back in those days. I could scale and slip through the small gaps in fences, scale up walls and generally remain anonymous and merge with the sourroundings with elan. Any commando would be proud of me. As a sorry school parade marched in the burning sun with its off beat trumpet and weak drumming, i would be busy compromising the facility, wriggling my way through one small opening out of the school ground. If ever there was a character narrating my life as Red does in Shawshank redemption, he would have a climax every so often. I was a free men at so many times a year as i proudly walked away from the school grounds thinking 'What now?'

College was a turning point in my bunking career. For once, i was in total control. No more stupid excuses. But with control came responsibility. You see, although i am addicted to bunking, i never let it screw up anything for me. College managements are better at laying down your disincentives. You can bunk 25% of the classes, not more, they said. Now i had to set up elaborate bunk management policies to control and allocate bunks through the calender year. Now, not only did i have to control the allocation across time but i also had to have buffers for contingencies like when a section of the class decides to bunk and go for movies. Solid planning was called for. It was good but not very exciting.

The real excitement started when i joined the 'Marks and Spencer' account in Cognizant Technology Solutions....


...to be continued

An Index Into My Mind - recent posts

witnessing a recent spurt of incoherent and imaginative writing....


One conspiracy theory that never fails to thrill me....

November 3 2006
,

The sweet notes of a distant music surrounded the place. The heavy night sky smelled of an impending rain. Thunder clouds added a complementing bass to the distant music. Lightning provided the fireworks.
A small boy - about 10 years old walked up the steep incline of a grassy knoll. A fragile silhoutte against the residual night light, climbing steadily.......

read on - Rendezvous...


one of those stories where you start writing and end up with something u hadnt planned....

It was to be a cladestine 'job'.
Only 2 people in the world knew about it and they didnt know about each other.
Each guy knew that one another guy was involved but didnt know who.
The stakes were high.
It was about revenge.....

read on - The 'job'


Ah...a truly white canvas to paint a story on...

It was all white.

Am i dreaming?

I look around. Spotless white and no shapes around.

Am i awake?

I look down at where i stand. All white.

What is this place?

read on - The most logical story ever told.