Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Welcoming the 2005 F1 season....

A nice article i came across.
Lets welcome 2005 F1 season........

It's Thanksgiving here in the United States, which this year means that we should all give thanks that the horrid 2004 Formula One season is long gone. Please, let us never speak of it again.

Thanksgiving is also the time when all good children begin working on the Christmas wish list that they will eventually send to Santa Claus. I believe that I have been an excellent boy this year, having sat through every lap of every race in what was a dreadfully boring F1 campaign. Therefore, I have already started working on my own personal Christmas wish list, and I fully expect Santa to give me everything I ask for.

Dear Santa, For the 2005 F1 season, I would like to see the following things happen:

1. Let McLaren and Williams design and construct cars that aren't conceptually overreaching, highly experimental loaves of rolling donkey dung. No needle noses or walrus tusks, please. Trying something crazy and praying that you get lucky isn't going to beat the mighty Scuderia Ferrari.

2. Juan Pablo Montoya needs to beat the pants off of Kimi Raikkonen at McLaren. Actually, let me change that a bit. Kimi Raikkonen needs to be kept off the podium at every single race in 2005. If I'm forced to listen to him answer one more post-race question in his flat, soulless, nasal drone, I'm afraid I may stick a pair of M80 firecrackers in my ears and blow my eardrums to smithereens. That would probably hurt. You don't want to hurt me, do you, Santa?

3. Make Mark Webber the second coming of Nigel Mansell at Williams. I miss Nigel Mansell. His swarthy appearance, his '70s porn-star mustache, and his damn-the-torpedoes-full-speed-ahead gusto behind the wheel was always a refreshing contrast to the pouty little private-school boy demeanor so commonly found in the F1 paddock. The sport could use a little swarthy gusto at the front of the grid, and I bet Webber would look fantastic sporting a Mansell-esque 'stache.

4. Let me be the first writer to work the phrase "Red Bull Racing should be renamed Red Heifer Racing" into an article.

5. Get me tickets for the inaugural race in Cancun, Mexico. I know it's a year early, but I'm already getting desperate.

6. It would be nice if Jordan, with its customer Toyota engines, could somehow find a way to score more championship points than the factory team. It's not that I have anything against Toyota -- quite the opposite, in fact. I've always driven Toyotas, their PR people are extremely nice, and on the whole I would like to see them do well. It's just that they continually make driver decisions that irritate the crap out of me. They must be punished.

7. Ralf Schumacher. Jarno Trulli. Slap fight. 'Nuff said.

8. Takuma Sato has to win a race. I don't care where, I don't care how, just make it happen. The nation of Japan has contributed massively to Formula One over the years and they deserve to have a race winner.

9. Someone other than Ferrari must claim both championships next year. I don't begrudge the reds their recent success considering the disasters that were the '80s and '90s, but enough is enough already. Just to be on the safe side, I'm going to add a special clause to this request. If Ferrari must win the world drivers' championship again in 2005, make it Rubens instead of Michael. I can't believe I'm actually saying this considering how absurdly annoying Rubens is (can you imagine all the crying and wailing we would have to endure from him if he landed the WDC?), but that's how desperate I am for a sniff of something different right now.
10. This is, by far, the most important item on my list. Bernie Ecclestone is sorely in need of a new 'do. I'll never understand why a massively high-profile guy who is worth billions still cuts his own hair. Don't even try to tell me he doesn't, because I know he does.
That's all I want for Christmas this year, Santa. Ten simple things. If you don't come through for me, there are sure to be millions of poor, heartbroken children all across the world who will undoubtedly find it increasingly difficult to believe in either you or Formula One any longer

1 comment:

swathi said...

thats a pretty long list to santa