A 'Wednesday'

Mid-week + existential crisis + consultant + 'secret ingredient' = below

Diagnostic Findings 28102009 V1.0

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The Adventures of Debacle Darwin

Read Chapter 1 here

Chapter 2: Wake up and smell the space junk

When Darwin was 2 years old, the world ended.

Nearly.

Earth, with its living billions visited the dark hole of oblivion, teetered on the edge, swayed back and forth, did a few takes and came back. While it was a turning point for earth itself, all it did was provide a few minutes of good drama for the rest of the universe. The solar system caught the action live. Mars would brag years later how he had the front row seating but would remain a little disappointed over sun charring his pop-corn. The rest of the universe caught the action ethereally, some several million light years before it even happened.

The event was the anticipated collision of a magnificent comet, perhaps lead astray by bad childhood, heading for a self-destructive kamikaze run towards earth. Kloe was a beautiful one, with flowing golden mane of dust and ice, long natural curves and a penchant for speed. But she had no qualms about dying, nor killing.

Earth trembled and stood petrified. The living billions on it panicked. Humans and their super-sized egos were left to invent what they were good at - something that would have a very large destructive power; something that would distract Kloe from french-kissing the Earth. They called it the super bomb and the best brains huddled together to create it, ably distracted and slowed down by bumbling bureaucrats, politicians, religious groups, comet-rights activists and news reporters.

The super bomb was built quickly; A sharp strobe of laser, that would smash the comet to smithereens. Earth waited with bated breath. The lions of savannah rose from their majestic sleep and wiped the stinking drool off their mouth; The Bengal tigers stopped running stood hand in hand with their poachers; The penguins in the arctic wished to climb onto a tall and majestic glacier to watch the spectacle but couldn't find one. It was the single largest spectacle the earth had witnessed and no one was going to miss it. It was so big that polar bears almost decided to come back from extinction just to watch it. What did they have to lose. It was massive for everyone. Well, almost everyone. The cockroaches didn't care much.They had seen it all when the dinosaurs had been annihilated

The whole world awaited while a bunch of mad scientists put together a contraption that hardly looked anything 'super'. Wires coming out here, large coils there, sparks flying around, it looked like something from the scrap yard. Global attention flustered the poor scientists. The lions began to shake their heads in disgust while the cockroaches sniggered silently. And just when it seemed like the humans would face the biggest embarrassment of their existence, the strobe lit up. A bright red beam shot up - there was some political wrangling over the color of the beam

but consensus was achieved in the end - hit the comet and blasted it to smithereens.

The earth breathed a sigh of relief but immediately choked in the dust and rock from the comet. As earth sputtered and coughed, the humans had a new task at hand - clean up all the comet junk floating around them.

And so, as Darwin grew up, the most popular job in town (earth, rather) was that of a garbage man - albeit in space.

(Next chapter Chapter 3 - May the space 'junkies' rest in peace)